september 5

respite. that's the word for today. most obviously in a geographical sense--coming to connecticut to a hartman household--but in other ways as well. this is the first time in far too long that i've seen my uncle bill and aunt laurie. i got to do my laundry and hang things to dry on an honest to god clothesline. i ate better food than i've had in a while. i finally got to talk to cj for the first time in a week or so. i got encouraging words from caitlin. all the stress and toil of this endeavor were lightened just a little bit today, made just easier enough that i can feel relieved.


in fact, it's made me think that i might start to re-plan the next few months. i had been thinking that, if brooklyn didn't work out, i'd try somewhere else and see if that worked. if not, try again. but now, i think i may plan on not staying more than a month or so at any one place. i think it might be better if i plan on going from place to place, putting myself in ever changing situations. actually, i'd had this idea a few weeks ago, but now it seems like it might be a better plan. the idea of settling somewhere is a bit oppressive--it's hard not to compare it to chapel hill, a place that truly became my home. and it's hard for it  to in any way match the love i have for carolina. but if, for a little while, i focus on traveling, on seeing and experiencing, it's a bit easier to take. especially if i can work things out so that i could meet up with family and friends (you) along the way. maybe this is a bit cowardly, but it's an idea that honestly excites me, and i think that's worth something.


the only real difficulty is money. i'm running short as it is without working, and restless travel isn't too conducive to a steady paycheck. but if i stay on the east coast, i think i could afford buses, especially if i stop throwing money away on food. i also have my bike, and i think i might like to try an extended bike trip somewhere, although i'd have to do that before the cold really set in. nonetheless, i started this trip because i was looking for something to chase after, for a sort of fulfillment. i think this wandering itself may be what i was looking for.


and on a side note: facebook was becoming a sickness for me. it was too easy to browse all your profiles and feel lonesome, so i deactivated my account. but, i'd still like to keep in touch. so gmail is mrhartman9, skype is the.mhartman, and presumably you have my phone number. gimme a ring.