august 30

if there was any doubt that i had never really felt homesick before, it's long gone now. last night and this morning were kind of rough. there's tons of stuff to do here and while i'm running around, trying new things and doing everything i can to make the most out of my new home, i do wish that there were friends doing it with me. and not friends in general, but my friends, the ones i moved away from. but i can distract myself enough to not let it affect me too strongly.


the problems really kicks in when i stop moving--when i have free time to stop and look around and feel alone. so i've realized that, to make things easier for me while i make this transition, i need to always have things to do, to stay active. which is why i was excited about starting my job today. and it seemed cool enough when i first got there--the normal paperwork you have to go through when starting a new job included the closest thing to an approval of recreational drug use i have ever gotten from an employer. and there was a guy who was also starting that seemed interesting and told me about a comedy show in a bookstore in greenpoint that has an eight dollar cover and free beer.


and then i started working. and then i stopped working. i only made it half a shift before i quit. it wasn't so much that the work was so bad--i knew i wouldn't like it going in--i just realized how much i disagree with canvassing as a form of political activism. during the training, i was told to approach it as a sales call and use my tone and body language to push--gently, but still push--the people into agreeing with me. but that involves two things i think should be kept far away from politics. an approach that looks at politics as the same as an economic activity, and focusing on votes rather than truly convincing people to support a cause. once we went out and started the work, i only felt worse. the girl i was shadowing was that kind of pushy with an obviously senile old lady, and i found out they kept sending people to the same houses until they got a guarantee that the person would vote a certain way. there's no way i could do that, even for a short time.


to top it off, on the train ride home i was stuck next to, on two different trains, a schizophrenic man (the same one) yelling at his delusions about such choice topics as "your fucking whore mother," being "too jesus for that shit," and "jesus killing your fucking son." he was also carrying a flower that he did not want anyone to touch, which was a bit difficult on a train through manhattan at five pm. and then he crossed himself, kissed the ground, and pointed at me. no joke.


but! tonight or tomorrow morning i get a bike so i can ride around and see the scenery and avoid the crazy when i don't want to deal with it. oh sweet bikes.